brilliantbrown

There are some spoilers, but Crank is a film so loose and lacking in plot that it really doesn’t matter. Read on.

I can pretty much describe Crank in a phrase, over the top. It’s a film about a hired killer (Chev Chelios played by Jason Statham) who is poisoned with a chemical that will kill him within an hour. The only way to slow the poison’s effect is to keep adrenaline pumping through his system to keep his heart beating long enough to take his murderer with him. So, he goes on a crime spree across Los Angeles, seeking clues to find this killer and thrills to keep himself on edge.

It’s a pretty weak premise and I went into the theatre expecting an action/suspense that took itself way too seriously. What I got was a little something different. Crank pretty much takes everything that an adolescent boy could want to do and crams it into one film. Between the opening and closing shots, Chev crashes a biker bar, steals a motorcycle from a cop, has sex in a public place, jumps out of a helicopter, runs naked across LA… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. This film is pure sensory overload.

All of the characters are horrible stereotypes. All latin americans have tattoos and talk like gangsters. All asians have spiky anime hair and know kung fu. All black people have guns and drugs to sell at a hat’s drop. His girlfriend is a stupid blonde and is pretty… slutty. It’s all very predictable and stupid. At one point, our “hero” steals a cab from a Middle Eastern cabbie by yelling “Taliban” and then taking the cab while people rush in to beat the poor guy.

But at no point does it seem that this film is taking itself seriously. The transitions from location to location are handled by zooming around on a Google map and then plastering the name of the location on the screen in big Grand Theft Auto letters. Chev powers up on epinephrine and energy drinks to get a boost in energy. The visuals are way too dramatic. It’s not exactly tongue-in-cheek, but the whole thing does play out like a video game (again, the appeal to adolescent males).

There are no slow points in this movie. It goes from action scene to action scene. Every few minutes, someone loses a hand or something explodes. There are plenty of laughs (some unintentional) and plenty of what I call “Oh Sh*t” moments where really cool or gory things happen. The movie juices you up and keeps you on edge. It’s a bit like the Transporter, also starring Statham, but without cool car chases or boring plot and dialogue.

Plenty of “that’d never happen in real life” moments occurred, but when you think about it, nothing in this movie could ever happen in real life. At no point during the viewing did I question this though. It seems that the film makers’ choice of hyperactive video game style is just what is necessary for me to suspend disbelief and enjoy the mayhem. The thing is that once the rush wears off, there’s really nothing to this film. This isn’t what I’d call a “good film”, but it is a ton of fun while it lasts.

7 of 10 stars