brilliantbrown

Wassup folks, I know, I know, everybody missed me, right? Anyways, writer’s block is a hoe, it had a hold of me and I just couldn’t get away. Thank goodness Antuan held the site down during my brief sabbatical. Moving on, welcome ladies and gentlemen, as if I never left…Part II of WAATGMA! If you need a refresher on part I, you can click the link here.
Ok, now that you are all caught up and riled up, time to continue.

Characteristics that Women Look For in a Good Man

Now, I know the first question you may ask is, “how can a guy, albeit an astute and intelligent one, tell us what a FEMALE wants in a man?” Well, the answer is quite simple, I’ve dealt with and conversed with numerous women and there are a few things that most women with their stuff together look for in a potential mate. Some needs that women have are basic while others are more subtle, I had to pick up on the context clues for those particular things. By no means am I saying that I am the expert on the topic, just a brother giving his two-and-a-half cents on what guys (including myself) need to do to live up to our end of the bargain as far as maintaining a healthy and loving relationship with the correct black woman.

From my perspective, there are basically five things that most women, whether they say so are not, must have in a “good” guy. Now, I’m not going to mention the obvious things such as respect, being understanding, blah, blah, blah. We all know those things are requirements as well. We want to get to the underlying characteristics that are just as important. In no particular order, these characteristics are confidence, leadership, adaptive nature, demanding, and dependability.

Confidence

There are a lot of guys that can get a variety of women, but the means by which they get these women speaks volumes about their confidence, basically how they view themselves as men. A man needs to be strong in his decisions and decision-making skills. Guys, we must believe in ourselves and capabilities before we can convince a woman to do so. If you approach women with a timid nature, just happy to be in her presence, etc., you’re basically saying to her and ultimately yourself, that “I’m not worthy of respect, I’m very uncomfortable in my own skin and I have nothing to bring to the table.” Now guys, how many women with their stuff in order are gonna sign on after hearing that subliminal message? Answer, for the slow kids, ZERO! The solution is simple, respect yourself and pursue your dreams with fervor and conviction. Once you build that confidence with your own personal goals, that attitude should translate to the women that you date. You should be confident enough to come at her straight up, without a facade or bullshit game, and EXPECT her to roll with you. Watch for OVERconfidence though, that will take you right back out of the game.

Leadership

Women of all walks of life respect male leadership, especially black women, because of the lack of male leadership in the black community as a whole, whenever a black man arises whom exudes leadership qualities, he sticks out more so than not. The key to having strong leadership qualities is to A) be clear on what exactly it is you’re leading and B) be clear in what direction you’re leading it in. If you have strong leadership qualities and a clear direction in your professional hustle fellas, women will be more inclined to allow you to lead them as well.

Adaptive Nature

This is a very important quality to have because women’s emotions change like the wind and we, as men, have to be mentally prepared to deal with that. We have to be able to adapt to all of a woman’s mood swings, not as a way of saying that we bow down to them, but as an acknowledgment that we don’t hold it against them. Not to delve too far into the physiological aspects of women, but that menstrual cycle weighs heavily on the female psyche, sometimes causing them to act unnecessarily unpleasant. It’s not always the period either, females just sometimes act in ways that will leave us fellas with our hands up to the heavens. The key is not to sweat it too much, let her have her “pout time” and be supportive, unless her negative disposition become excessive, then you have to deal with that accordingly (aka leave her the hell alone).

Demanding

Now you may see this word and automatically think that I mean that females like a guy that puts UNNECESSARY demands on them, which is obviously not the message that I want to convey. When I say that I believe that a female wants a guy to be demanding, I mean that he has to demand better from her in some areas. A lot of times, a guy will get with a female and be so happy to have gotten with her, he doesn’t demand anything of her other than to just be her beautiful, black self. Unfortunately, that doesn’t cut it, because over the long haul, that type of mentality will create a false sense of self-security in the female. She will feel as if she doesn’t have to grow any more in the relationship, and we all know what the opposite of growing is…that’s right kids, dying. That’s what will happen to your relationship unless you demand more from your woman than to just be around. I’m not suggesting that you demand her to do things such as “wash my drawers”, “give me money to go out with my friends”, or anything of the sort. I am referring to demanding her to do such things as, “take classes to get that secondary degree”, “help me study for my GRE course”, or “co-fund this investment that will benefit both of us”. Demand things from her that are mutually beneficial. Nothing that is totally one-sided lasts long. Just ask this guy…

Dependable

Last but not least, a “good” man must be dependable. Females become comfortable with consistency and there’s no better way to make a female more comfortable around you than to be there when she needs you, whether it be emotionally, physically, or etc. The easiest way to show yourself out the door of a female’s heart is to become the infamous ’sometimey’ brother, we all know this guy, sometimes he shows up, sometimes he doesn’t, and more often than not he doesn’t show, especially if no sex is involved. Proceed with caution though brothers, you don’t have to cater to a females every little need if it severely impedes whatever you have going on at the time. Most females that are about their business will not allow you to ignore your responsibilities just to tend to her anyways.

So there you go, everybody gather the tomatoes now, I’m ready this time, naw, just kidding. If anyone wants to comment/add any items to the list that I overlooked, feel free to drop your thoughts.

Now that I have defined “good” men and women, part III will cover the topic of how these two parties can come together and attain the much sought after black love. You want it, I want it, we all want it…and we’ll see how to attain AND maintain it part III of this series. See y’all later this week!

A.J. (Still Dreaming)