brilliantbrown

I just finished up reading Tariq Nasheed’s book, Play or Be Played and of the many drops of knowledge found in the book, a particular theory stuck out to me, how some females look to gain a man’s attention, while others look for a man’s appreciation. That’s quite a powerful statement in and of itself and as I look at my past relationships with women and why I’m single now, I can see how it applies to my dating choices. The aforementioned theory also directly ties into the logic that women fall into one of two categories for a man; potential wifey/girlfriend or potential fuck buddy, with the difference being in whether the woman is looking for short term satisfaction/attention or long term appreciation. In this most recent entry to the Brilliantbrown Guide for Dating, I will outline the particular difference between a potential girlfriend and a potential wifey and what role appreciation and attention play into both categories.

Potential Fuck Buddy and a female’s need for attention

If we examine the basic or carnal wants of each sex, it is easy to figure out how a female’s craving for attention directly feeds the man’s craving for physical intimacy. Most females are emotional by nature and enjoy being in the presence of a man they like. Spending quality time with a woman is one of the most essential pieces in maintaining an exclusive relationship. I often hear and have personally encountered females who are only looking for a man that will spend a little time with them and make them feel desired and special. This behavior is not necessarily a bad thing but I will tell you when it becomes counterproductive in a second.

Now, if we look at the makeup of a typical guy, he is physical in nature (the Ying to the female’s Yang) and will do things that he deems is necessary to achieve physical intimacy with the female in his particular situation. The demands of a female for attention becomes a problem when she is bringing nothing else to the table or is it not demanding that a man do more than come over and “hit it” to satisfy her craving for attention. Unfortunately, alot of females know that they are just a man’s long-term fuck buddy, but refuse to admit it to themselves because it’s hard to look in the mirror and admit defeat and have to look at your situation without the rose-colored glasses that everyone else sees your “relationship” with.

Some people who get married at a young age are, in reality, long term fuck-buddies where the female’s need for attention and the man’s need for sex was able to temporarily cloud their better judgement. These are the marriages where the men are sleeping around and the female stays around, unwilling to improve her situation, claiming “…if it weren’t for the kids”. In reality, she doesn’t want to disappoint the outsiders’ view of the marriage. Many of these women feel like thay have a leg up on single women just because they are married, no matter how many hoes her husband is banging on the side.

Potential Wifey and a female’s desire to gain a man’s appreciation

Looking past the basic wants of both genders that we just discussed, the intangible that moves a female into the realm of wifey/girlfriend material is her desire to gain appreciation from the man that they are dealing with. First, I need to tell females what a man appreciates; check out the following list:

Things a man appreciates from his woman

1) Not trying to get a “free ride”; being able to contribute when necessary or at least offering even if its not needed

2) Keeping you word, being able to get past moodiness

3) Accepting of a man’s friends and fam (and sometimes his quirks, as long as is nothing too crazy)

4) Keeping a positive disposition

5) Cooking

6) Being comfortable with yourself, being able to have an opinion without consulting your homegirls 24-7.

7) Keeping your physical looks up to par; not letting yourself “go” just because “I got my man”

Sounds easy enough, right? Guys, look at the females that you are dealing with and if they meet all the criteria above and you are still “just trying to keep it casual” then you obviously are not ready for a long term commitment, but be wary, most guys wife women up who display ALL of these characteristics on a consistent basis.

Women, be honest with yourself and determine what you are, a long term fuck-buddy or a potential wifey. If you fall into the latter category, congrats, I’m looking for one just like you. If you are a long-term fuck buddy and you want to step your game up, look at the 7 things that I said that a man appreciates from his woman and assess whether or not that you display these characteristics on a CONSISTENT basis.

One more note, just like the saying says, “you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”, if you already a fuck-buddy, its damn difficult to get out of that category, especially, if you got some months and/or years invested, its best to get a fresh start with your new outlook with a new face, sorry if you didn’t want to hear that.

AJ is back.